


who cares for you?

by exquisitelymorose



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Sick Fic, but - Freeform, its subtle, reflections, they're in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24243220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exquisitelymorose/pseuds/exquisitelymorose
Summary: But what hadthatdone?The surgery. The healing. The loneliness of survival.Had Jen gone into surgery expecting to come out to flowers and hugs and sloppy kisses and a rejoicing of life? Had she expected to be cared for. To be shown how much she was loved, how much she was appreciated. Just how goddamn beautiful she was?
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 11
Kudos: 152





	who cares for you?

Jen takes care of her when she’s sick. 

She’s not really a coddler. She's a hoverer. She makes her take her temperature, works mostly from home to bring her soup and tea and keep her in bed. She goes out late in the afternoon and returns with menthol rubs and soothing throat lozenges. 

She’s there. 

“You’re going to get yourself sick.”

She rolls her eyes.

“I never get sick, Judy.”

She says it so firmly, so resolutely that Judy believes her. Jen is tough, sometimes scary tough. She guesses if she just decides she isn’t going to get sick, she probably won’t. 

As she falls into another hour of sticky, sweaty sleep Judy thinks of a conversation they once had. About a time that Jen made sure she’d never get sick.

_"I have the gene. I didn’t want my kids to lose their mom like I did mine.”_

_“He made me feel so disgusting and I was just so resentful.”_

When Judy wakes up later in the evening she feels disgusting. She’s sweat through her t-shirt, her bangs stick to her forehead. She feels hot but her skin looks washed out and pale. She wants to take a shower but it feels like so much effort when she could just as easily roll over and close her eyes again.

A soft voice comes from the door, “how you feeling?”

Judy moans a vague sound, “I’m okay.”

“Don’t say that if you’re not.” Jen is now near her bed, arms crossed. She looks sort of irritated but mostly concerned.

“I just feel… gross.”

“A bath would help.”

Judy groans again.

“Come on,” Jen coaxes, “the boys are out. It’ll be nice and quiet and you’ll feel so much better.”

Judy can only look up at her, her stern, expectant eyes. The bath is so far away.

“Judy, seriously, it looks like you gelled your fucking bangs in place. Lets go.”With that she turns and walks out. Judy knows, as she always does, that she’s supposed to follow. 

It feels like a small marathon to get to Jens bathroom but when she finally does, the lights are dim and the water is already running, the room smelling of essential oils. She can see two small blue bottles lined up on the vanity.

“Did you take those from my bag?”

“Yeah, I thought you’d want them.” It feels like a strange sentence coming from Jens mouth. Like maybe she’d meant to say something else.

“Well how much did you use because they have to be-”

“Diluted, I know. I have google, honey, I’m not a total idiot.”

“Of course you’re not.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“No,” Judy says with a quick shake of the head. She already feels like she’s asked for too much even though she didn’t really ask for any of it, “thank you.”

The blonde only smiles and nods, leaves her to it and closes the door behind her.

When she sinks into the water, Judy knows Jen was right.

She does feel better. A little achy, a little tired but refreshed. She takes the small amount of energy and helps herself to Jens blowdryer and moisturizer and makes herself feel a bit more human. A bit less disgusting.

Jen is sipping at a chilled glass of white, about to press play on some recorded show or another. She nearly startles when Judys voice breaks the silence.

“Less disgusting?”

She looks almost confused, or hurt or something when she turns, “you never looked disgusting. But more you? Yes.”

Judy almost feels like she has to defend herself, “you know, the gelled bangs.” She settles herself on the other end of the couch.

“You still looked adorable,” Jen says, offering Judy the other end of blanket she has resting over her lap.

“Really?”

“You know you’re like, annoyingly perfect looking.”

“So are you.” Jen, as she always does, scoffs and rolls her eyes, “really, you are.”

“Okay, Judy.”

“I wish you could see that. It makes me sad when you put yourself down like that.”

“Everything makes you sad, Judy.” It could be harsh or mean but she knows its not.

They lapse into silence for awhile. They watch something that Judy pays no attention to and 20 minutes later Jen leaves the room and comes back with a full glass of wine and a steaming mug of tea for Judy.

“You're so good at this.”

“What?”

“Taking care of people.”

“I’m a mom.”

“Who took care of you?”

Jens brows knit together over her glasses. She turns to Judy and suddenly she feels like she’s made a mistake.

“When?”

“When y- when you had the surgery.”

Jens face softens. She takes another sip. “I did.”

Judy knew that was probably the answer. But it breaks her heart nonetheless. She thinks of the woman she knows, who she is now. So strong, so fierce. And if they’re all being honest - so angry. So defensive. So guarded. 

She wonders what she was like then. Was she always like this? Judy knows it was more than the mastectomy, more than Teds death. Her mothers death had come long before that, surely that had hardened some edges. 

But what had _that_ done? 

The surgery. The healing. The loneliness of survival. 

Had Jen gone into surgery expecting to come out to flowers and hugs and sloppy kisses and a rejoicing of life? Had she expected to be cared for. To be shown how much she was loved, how much she was appreciated. Just how goddamn beautiful she was?

Had she expected to be cared for the way that she cares?

“Right,” Judy says softly.

“You know,” Jen shrugs, “you started taking care of yourself when you were just a kid too.”

Judy swallows down some of her tea. It’s an oolong. Jen hates oolong. She didn’t think they’d even had any. She wonders, idly, if Jen had picked it up today.

“But people took care of me. Steve took care of me. You take care of me,” she sees the guilt pass through Jen, “Ted should’ve taken care of you.”

“He just-” Jen looks anywhere but here, “he didn’t know how.”

“Maybe not but the way he made you feel, he-”

“Judy,” she says it softly, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say you’re sorry when you don’t have to be sorry.”

“No, for everything. That you were alone.”

“I had the boys.”

“I wish you’d had someone to make you feel beautiful.”

Jen looks at her then and smiles. 

“I do now."

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short something for the fandom to make us all smile. I do love these two. Your comments fuel me. Tell me things you want to see and hear?


End file.
